I was doing my version of a walkabout. Yeah, I know the Queen of England does walkabouts, so what makes me think I’m so special? I’m not. It’s simply how I describe those few moments I grab with gusto, moments away from writing, family stuff or people stuff. Anyway, I was in the grocery store, pondering a magnificent pyramid of oranges when it struck me that I was just a few weeks away from a major high school class reunion. How could I have been so forgetful? Was this a harbinger of my life to come?
Never mind the immediate panic over what I would wear, or how many pounds I could lose if I gave up eating for the next few weeks, or where could I find industrial strength make-up that will hide the crow’s feet lurking at the corners of my eyes.
These were all issues dwarfed by the biggest one -facing my lagging self-esteem.
How would I feel when I faced THE MAN of my teenage dreams? Aside from all the fretting over how I looked, how he looked, what we’d say and all that sort of thing, I couldn’t help but wonder how I’d feel when I saw him for the first time in fifteen years.
My first thought was that I should get to the school gym first, take up a strategic spot near some sort of obstacle that would shelter me from view while I decided whether or not to strike out across the room, a smile stretching my face, anxiety skewing my eyebrows.
I had originally planned to be part of the organizing committee so that I’d be cool and much in demand when THE MAN crossed the threshold back into my life. But that fell through when a book deadline took over my life.
The things I do for my struggling career!
I was still in my half-dream, half-reality-fear mode when the mound of oranges suddenly tumbled onto my feet, some of them plopping into my grocery cart and splitting their sides, spraying orange juice all over every thing! A nice young man showed up at my shoulder, and between us we got the pyramid reassembled, minus the broken and bruised fruit. My face still burning red, I scurried through the checkout and headed home, my mind still focused on how it would feel to see him again…
So, what is it about that first relationship? Is it the fact that we miss that man? Are we sorry it didn’t work out? Or are we simply reaching back to our youth, to a time when everything in life seemed possible, including the dream idea that our first love would last forever?
I don’t know, but I do like to write reunion stories where a man and a woman rekindle their love for each other. A CHILD CHANGES EVERYTHING is one of those. It will be in the stores on August 10th.
How do you feel about the first man you loved? Did you marry him?
Or do you look back and rate him on your personal dork-o-meter?
Or do you still sometimes wonder what life would have been like if you’d married him?
Stella MacLean
www.StellaMacLean.com
I didn’t marry my first love (my last one instead, thank goodness), but I do still wonder about him. Not in a “what if” way that creates those wonderful reunion stories, but just wondering if he’s happy or not.
What a good post!
Great post, Stella! I didn’t marry my first but he’ll always hold that special spot in my heart. Love your reunion stories. You always capture the emotion so perfectly. Looking forward to reading A Child Changes Everything. By the way, how did the reunion go. Did you see HIM?
I married young, but there’s one old boyfriend I tried to google. Liz said, I’m just wondering if he’s happy or not. But he has a common name, and their were too many hits to sort through.
I am looking forward to reading your book. My first novel (which is languishing on my MacBook as a “document” and looks like it will never find itself an agent) contains a child and I tried to rewrite it a few weeks ago without the kid in it and just the mom. Wrong! It just didn’t have the same feel to it any longer. I like the added dimension of a child and what it can bring to the behavior of those involved in the story. So, I put that “start” of the rewrite in my mental trash. I am anxious to read your book. Congratulations! And I bet there’s no one out there who doesn’t get the jitters before their book reaches the shelves.
Stella,
I love reading your blogs they make me think of things I haven’t thought of in years. I remember thinking as a teen how “in love” I was with my boyfriend, and how I couldn’t live without him. Well I’m still alive and I didn’t not marry him. It’s funny to look back and think about it. I am happily married and truly love my husband- I couldn’t imagine my life any other way. However, every once in awhile I still wonder how the boy I thought I loved is doing. I am thankful and extremely blessed to have the life I have now.
Can’t wait for your book to come out… I am so excited to read it.
Thank you
Ruth,
Looking forward to reading your new book. I think it’s my take-a-long for a road trip at the end of the month when I will have the time to savor it.
I ran into my first love a year ago at a funeral. After a bit of catching up, I knew it would have never worked out between us but it was nice to lay that past to rest. Reminds me of Grath Brooks song about unanswered prayers.
I still haven’t seen my high school sweetheart. It’s been twenty years, but we exchanged emails a few times. Not sure how I’d feel. I think my heart would explode. He was a darling fellow.
And I love reunion stories, Stella! Book looks great.
Hi Stella! I ran into my “first love” when I was engaged to my husband. So glad we didn’t marry.
Never yet been to one of my reunions, and it’s been a lot longer than yours, LOL! Maybe next time.
What a question! The funniest thing is that earlier today I was just thinking of the first guy who broke my heart. We drove by a guy on a bike, and from a certain angle, it looked just like him – although I knew it wasn’t because he no longer lives here.
Looking forward to reading your reunion love story, Stella! Congrats!
Pam
My first boyfriend lives forever in my 16-yr-old’s heart. He was so handsome and cool. I saw him once when we were in our 20s and it was fun, but he wasn’t someone I would want as a life partner.
Looking forward to the release of your latest, Stella!
Ruth, I think you’re special. So if you want to do a “walkabout” go ahead and enjoy yourself.
I didn’t marry my first love, or my second, or my th….oh, you get the idea.
Stella, I couple of years ago, I attended my 30th high school reunion and was so happy to see that the one boy I had really hoped would attend did, and it was wonderful to see him. I had never dated him, but thought he was one of the nicest boys in school. It turns out he still a super nice man! I also met his very beautiful wife who seemed to suit him perfectly.
Can’t wait to read your book!
Mary
Hello Stella
this is a great questions. I did marry my first love 22 years ago and so glad i did. I cant imagine my life without him. My ‘high school’ sweetheart was just that, a sweetheart. It was not true love.
I have never been to a high school reunion, as i moved out west not long after graduation and lost contact with so many friends. Wow, makes me feel old just thinking about it.
Oh, we never forget those we have loved no matter how our lives may end up over the years. Honestly — when a relationship goes beyond the third date the man makes an impression whether that may be good or bad. No, I didn’t marry my first love but neither did I forget him.
Your blog sounds just like you — a biting sense of humour that sparks our exploration of memories and feelings.
Thanks ladies for all your great comments and first love stories.
I loved reading each and every one of them.
Stella
Hello Stella
i met my first love 25 years ago and married him 3 years later. I can’t imagine life without my man. I had a crush in high school, but that’s all it was; a crush. It wasnt true love.
I’ve never been to a high school reunion. I left home and went out west a year after graduation, and lost contact with many of my friends. Gosh! That makes me feel old
)
What a subject! I’m in Arizona right now and meeting up with friends I haven’t seen in YEARS. I didn’t marry my first love, either–something I should be grateful for. From what I hear, he’s an alcoholic. Love #2 was definitely a better choice, and I’m really glad I made it.
Great blog, Stella!
I love a good second chance story. We stopped at the local Chapter tonight on our way home from dinner and I pre-ordered your book. (I found the right guy this time. A guy who would think stopping at Chapters to order a friend’s book was a cool idea doesn’t come along every day.)
I saw my high school love a few years ago at my 30th high school reunion. I walked right past him and did not recognize him. No longer the jock he used to be, he now had a pot belly, no hair and bifocal glasses. True story – and quite shocking really, considering that I had only become more beautiful, sophisticated and charming with the years.
Seriously, I am willing to bet that you are going to look better than the rest of the girls from your graduating class. You have style and grace and the love of a good man – all of which keep you looking younger than you are!
Best of luck on sales of your new book. I can hardly wait for it to arrive.
Stella,
I love reunion stories, so I am very much looking forward to this one. You always get the emotions so absolutely right.
I went to a high school reunion in July, saw my first love, had no regrets at all. Still looked great, but not a keeper. A few practice runs just helped me identify the right one later.
Heidi
I was engaged in the first grade, a hot and torrid romance that died when his parents moved. I still remember him.
Mostly, though…I think we remember that thrill, that excitement, that so wonderful feeling of first being in love. It’s not about the boy and whether it worked at the time. It’s about the joy, the uniqueness of that feeling.
All romances try to clue into that? Bring it back for you–for us all.
Hi there – just finished reading ” child Changes Everything” – the title couldn’t be more true. None of us can imagine how our lives would be different if children hadn’t been a part of it – can’t imagine life without my son and now his son. You’ve done a good job again, “Stella” – I really enjoyed the book.
I love reunion stories too, whether it’s in fiction or real life. While I do think about my ex-boyfriends from time to time, it’s more out of curiosity than anything else. And thanks to Facebook, I’ve becomes “friends” with a couple of them again. Interesting to see where they’ve ended up in life, and reassuring that I made the right choice with my husband.
Heading to Chapters today and hoping to snag a copy of your new book.
Have fun at your reunion!
Congratulations, I read your article in the RWA about your newest novel. I’m going to get one as soon as I can. My childhood sweetheart found me through a facebook friend two years ago; wasn’t what I remembered but he remembered differently. I’ve him on my facebook but he’ll always be my friend. Thanks for all you do for me, Doris
Stella,
Great post! And I don’t know a woman who can’t relate to that panicky feeling. That first love never loses his ability to make your heart pound. I think it’s because when we access those teenage memories, we *are* teenagers again, complete with all the intensity of that time. The physiological reactions are inevitable.
Norah
Stella,
You shouldn’t have to worry about self esteem–you are a published author, that’s reunion gold! And your books are fabulous. (Full disclousure, I did edit this one…but I am not biased in the least!) I think part of the power of reunion stories is that we all hope for a second chance, the opportunity to do things better this time around. And with less acne…
Stella,
What a post. I remember my first love and I haven’t seen him in years either. I have been to several reunions, but he hasn’t shown up. I’m going out to get this book tonight since you know I love your stories.
Shirley